A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.
Whenever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm.
They certainly give very strange names to diseases.
Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.
Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.
As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.
Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other.
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it.
Time is generally the best doctor.
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.
Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.
Three-quarters of the sicknesses of intelligent people come from their intelligence. They need at least a doctor who can understand this sickness.
In the name of Hypocrites, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture ever known to man: survival.
Edward Everett Hale
Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
I'm strongly for a patient Bill of Rights. Decisions ought to be made by doctors, not accountants.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
People are so afraid of authority figures and doctors are authority figures.
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing.
I'm 86 and my doctor used to tell me to slow down - at least he did until he dropped dead.
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
Passion, you see, can be destroyed by a doctor. It cannot be created.
I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.
You can die of the cure before you die of the illness.
Honestly, being a doctor could make you more close minded than regular people.
A pregnant woman facing the most dire circumstances must be able to count on her doctor to do what is medically necessary to protect her from serious physical harm.
If you look at the human condition today, not everyone is well fed, has access to good medical care, or the physical basics that provide for a healthy and a happy life.
America has the best doctors, the best nurses, the best hospitals, the best medical technology, the best medical breakthrough medicines in the world. There is absolutely no reason we should not have in this country the best health care in the world.
The art of medicine was to be properly learned only from its practice and its exercise.
The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.
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