Kutipan (Quote) - Funny (5)

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
Samuel Butler

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld

Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.
E. B. White

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Lloyd Wright

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.
James Thurber

What's another word for Thesaurus?
Steven Wright

The next time you have a thought... let it go.
Ron White

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns

Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
Naguib Mahfouz

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
Kevin James

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
Demetri Martin

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.
Logan P. Smith

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller

I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller

Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W. Clement Stone

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Johnny Carson

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
Rob Corddry

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns

You're only as good as your last haircut.
Fran Lebowitz

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Rita Rudner

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
Mel Brooks

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
Jay London

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
Alanis Morissette

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
Les Dawson

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Robin Williams