Kutipan (Quote) - Funny (7)

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Al Gore

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Lenny Bruce

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Howard Nemerov

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
Don Marquis

You see much more of your children once they leave home.
Lucille Ball

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
Hillary Clinton

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
Elayne Boosler

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
Bob Hope

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
Laurence J. Peter

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
Logan P. Smith

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.
Logan P. Smith

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Robert Byrne

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Lewis Mumford

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Dennis Miller

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Mercedes McCambridge

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
Elayne Boosler

I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman

Never put a sock in a toaster.
Eddie Izzard

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
Eddie Izzard

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
Chevy Chase

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Paul Lynde

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
Robert Benchley

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
Johnny Vegas

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps

If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
Marcelene Cox

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
James Brown

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
Dylan Moran

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
George Lopez

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
Jimmy Fallon

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced.
Ruby Wax

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
Joe E. Lewis

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.
Caroline Rhea

I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.
Roy Orbison

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
Angie Dickinson

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