Kutipan (Quote) - Funny (3)

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Richard Dawkins

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'Rourke

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

Be obscure clearly.
E. B. White

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
Steve Martin

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewite

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell

One man's folly is another man's wife.
Helen Rowland

I like marriage. The idea.
Toni Morrison

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Jerry Lewis

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
Robin Williams

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
Hesiod

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Bill Maher

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
Ronald Reagan