Kutipan (Quote) - Funny (2)

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Margaret Mead

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
Winston Churchill

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
Kevin Nealon

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
David Brenner

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan

All generalizations are false, including this one.
Mark Twain

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney

I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Joey Adams

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Red Skelton

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Imelda Marcos

All men are equal before fish.
Herbert Hoover

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Calvin Coolidge

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Saint Augustine

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
Laurence J. Peter

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
Ronald Reagan

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn